It seems that torches from Argos can threaten Apache Gunships!

This is the world's most advanced attack helicopter gunship. I think you can get a ropey one for about $50M , and need to spend over $100M for something that might look smart and be useful.

But £14.99 in Argos can buy you the ultimate deterrent -- a flashlight!

Farmers in England are fed up with the low flying exercises at night which are worrying their livestock (that's illegal), so they have taken to

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The Times (online) November 18, 2005

Mayday . . . farmers at ten o'clock
A fleet of the Army’s most sophisticated weaponry, the £40 million Apache helicopter, is in danger of being defeated by a band of farmers.

The Ministry of Defence has complained to Dorset police that some of its Apache gunships, which are being prepared at Middle Wallop base, Hampshire, for deployment to Iraq, were put at risk when the farmers shone torches at them on Monday night. The MoD abandoned the exercise.

The farmers are angry at low-flying night exercises, which scare their livestock. Tim Harding, 63, of Long Crichel, Dorset, said: “I have horses and they get frightened. A pony ran off and bolted through an electric fence. It is very lucky it survived. Another farmer has had similar problems with his pigs.”

Major Peter Cripps, an army spokesman, said: “A bright light like that at night is extremely dangerous. The aircraft could have crashed then it would have been manslaughter.”

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Let's hope the Iraqis don't read the Times! And can someone please shoot Major Cripps , he's just shot the Army in the foot, so someone should give him a taste of his own medicine!

They should be grateful to the farmers for finding an operational bug in the Apache Helicopter equipment -- maybe we can sue the American manufacturers and get some of our tax-payer's money back?

Otherwise we'll have to award a £50m contract to a French military contractor (step forward Thales whom are about to be bought by the French) to 'find, fix and neutralise' the night-vision problem.

So, Major Cripps (wonder what's that short for?!!) , please remember to SWITCH OFF THE LIGHTS before you put the Army to bed.

Then you can get promoted to Colonel Cripple (who of course killed Mrs Plumb in the study with the torch).

It just goes to show that 'Military Intelligence' is just as Oxymoronic as 'Happily Married'.