Some dirty filthy rumours circling suddenly that some geeks might try to crash the Internet on friday.

Quite funny really, as rather than try a DOS attack on a single computer, the idea is to go for the bandwith jugular (sort of like the body politic) and just send too many cotton-picking darn emails.

If anyone is trying to keep up with reading the emails, they will have to read increasingly fast as otherwise mailboxes might start backing up, backing off and going offline.

And if the Internet crashes, what happens next? My guess is that it's time to go home, put the kettle on (using gas as the mains electricty might be off), and have a cup of tea.

We all know that deliberately trying to bandwidth overload someone else's server is jolly naughty -- so my message to the worldly geeks is quite simple : Don't do anything illegal. Keep it clean, funny, simple and so far within the law, the crazy French have no truck or bone to fry.

Maybe just zip up some Monty Python sketches and send those to your friends.

No, No, not THE comfy chair !

Zip it up, stick it in, and put it in the email...

But the best dear reader is kept for last. Allegedly (according to Greenmantle Pursuivant and Roooooge Dragononoinone), the "day The Internet Stops" begins as the New York Stock Exchange opens -- ie 1430 British Summertime, 0930 New York Time.

Maybe just as the Nasdaq folk ring the bell and start the fun!!!

I've also wondered about the ethical issues here. IF the internet crashes -- it's only a short thing. It'll be back after the break.

But there will of course be the nay-sayers...

"how irresponsibble, putting peoples lives at risk"

"we should have laws against it"

"how would he/she like it if someone shut their car down on the M4?"

"this is quite simply terrorism under another guise"

"this is why we need a new Cyber-Police force to allow the USA to control the Internet with an Iron-Fist"

Hmmmm. The internet is free, easy and owned by everyone. Thanks to Tim.

It is not an American invention.

Anyone who uses it for any mission critical purpose, MUST bear in mind that it may be slow/unavailable from time to time.

If you don't understand this, you need to understand the difference between IP, TCP , and TCP/IP. And for that matter, UDP.

From unreliability, we create reliability. But without ERROR, we are not humans. And certainly not civilised.

Ride yer bike. Fall off. Hurt yourself a little.

Pick yourself up.

Dust yourself off.

And START ALL OVER AGAIN !!!!

That's all folks!

Good Old Fred !!!!

It looks like we're getting a new police force : The UK Border Patrol.

ITN - Monday, June 23 11:14 pm

Senior police officers have drawn up plans for a new border police force.

The Government has disclosed that senior officers have proposed a single force with about 3,000 staff including uniformed officers and the Special Branch.

Of course we don't have anyone doing that already -- so we're not just creating a new constabulary to give someone a job.

So given that we are an island, and we have a Royal Navy, who looks after what part of the coastline ?

• UK Border Patrol
• British Transport Police
• Royal Navy
• Fleet Air Arm
• The Coastguard
• The Royal National Lifeboats
• Gosport and Fareham Inshore Rescue Service
• Customs and Excise
• Inland Revenue
• VAT Office
• Mr Weasel in the Tower of London
• Mrs Miggins Pie Shop

Of course the American's have a nuclear weapon double-key launch system. Which means that no weapon can be launched without two people agreeing.

Except that (if you watch Dr Strangelove) someone one was concerned that it was possible for a retaliotory strike not to be made under certain conditions, and then it's too late to reply (United Nations won't allow a premed strike, only reasonable retaliation).

So "Plan R" provides for a total short-circuit and allows one individual the right to launch without warning.

Now whom might that be?

And as the sands-of-time tick away, the desire to launch grows. Imagine if Hilary got in, then she would have this god-given right. Obviously being a woman she would probably go shopping for candles instead.

McCain's a good man. He would understand what "Plan R" is for.

We need a man who can launch.

And then obviously we expect him to simply sit back and have a cup of tea.

Oh dear. If you must land your chopper in your girlfriend's back garden you must expect it to ruffle a few feathers. How rude !

Basically bill, if you don't want to be a liability (an accounting joke!), then try parking your chopper in her front garden. Unless she likes it the other way. But frankly, we don't really want to know now do we?

Hope to see you at Raffles this thursday?

Someone's not telling the truth.

"Levy said Blair had told him Brown could not win a general election, a statement rejected by Blair's office"